I love weddings, other people’s weddings. I love dressing up and attending other people’s parties, I enjoy the effort they’ve gone to make the day as fun as possible, but what I really enjoy the most, is not having to help with any of the planning or work associated with the festivities.
So, when it came to my own wedding, I optedfor the opposite to all the extravagant parties and crazy over-the-top events which weddings have become. For me, it was a very personal choice, having witness the stress and tests it puts on couples and their close families and friends, I decided that that’s definitely not something that I want for myself.
I don’t understand why we put ourselves through the stress of a wedding, there are so many details, it’s the ultimate marathon in micromanagement. When you have one vision and someone else has another, heads will clash, arguments will ensue. Whether it be a crazy bride, groom, bridesmaid, mother or mother-in-law, it’s there. There is always a member of the wedding committee who is unbearable, and feels as though they enjoy being difficult.
So, I opted out of it. I don’t care for throwing parties for myself, I’ve never really liked the fuss. Don’t get me wrong, I love attention, but I like it on my terms, and I feel that a wedding is the one place where it is not on my terms. I know, it’s counter intuitive. Let me try and explain. I feel that at a wedding people are forced to pay you attention, irrespective of whether you want it or not at any given time, and that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t want people looking at me as I try to eat my dinner, or speculating whether I’m happily in love with my husband or am annoyed with him for failing to give a funny toast. I don’t want a room filled with people, most of whom I don’t know, speculating on how long my marriage is going to last, or fake commenting that my dress is beautiful and I am the most beautiful bride they’ve ever seen. I don’t want the false accolades that is so often muscle memory for people who attend a wedding.
For us, we opted for a small family holiday, where only 5 key family members were in attendance. We got married in the middle of the holiday, as our two families got to know each other. We travelled around, sharing memories that we’ll remember and cherish. That’s how we chose to spend our money. Rather than spending a tiny fortune on one day, we spent that money on a 8 day family holiday, filled with fun activities, fantastic food and great company. A holiday where we got to know each other, had fun and most importantly, did not stress over a tiny moment in time where we say our vows. It was an intimate moment, shared by the most important people in our lives.
Yes, our extended families and friends (who knew) asked us if they could attend the wedding. It was a straight out, “No, you’re not invited. Don’t take it personally, no-one’s invited.” They were bummed, but they understood that this is who we are. As for social media, neither of us have announced to the world that we’re engaged, let alone married. It is not the business of the acquaintances I’ve gathered over the years whether or not I’m married. I’ve told the friends that I see regularly see, and I’ve been slowly getting around to telling the ones that I don’t regularly see. It’s a slow process, but we’ll get there, in due time ofcourse.
Is anyone offended that they didn’t attend our wedding? The answer is a resounding no. Why would they? They’re adults who understand that it’s a family affair, and it would have been a burden for them to attend, given the destination and costs associated with going. No-one cares about your wedding day other than you. Your guests barely remember it. At most, they remember that the ceremony was too long, the bridesmaids dresses looked terrible, the food was bad, and the wedding gown was ugly, but they had to lie about it. People rarely remember that your wedding was fun, because it blends with a plethora of good, bad and fun weddings and parties that they’ve attended.
For all the weddings that I’ve attended, the only weddings I truly remember, are the ones where I’ve been a part of the bridal party. Otherwise, it’s all a blur. Maybe it’s different for you.
In my opinion, your wedding day is only special to you, your closest family and friends. So, make it special for the two of you and those you care most. That giant price tag on a party for 200 people, where you barely remember the names of 90% of them, is not worth it.
And if you think that it’s breaking away from tradition, traditions are man-made and followed. You can start your own tradition.
As for giant costly weddings, I’m looking forward to attending my next one. Mainly because I love a party where I’m not hosting or cleaning.
Ranter & Banter 