GODS OF EGYPT: WHY?

Gods of Egypt is an impressive movie made by university students.  The graphics are decent, but can be improved upon.  With further plot iterations, reshoots, improved dialogue and some acting classes, this movie will be able to receive a B on presentation night.

Oh wait… it’s not a final project from a Film major is it?  Damn, it’s actually a studio produced movie.  So… no, it does not merit such soft criticism.  I’m not encouraging the efforts of a young adult trying to make a movie, I’m giving my opinion on an entire cast and crew who really should have known better.

This movie is a mess, let me count the ways:

1. A plotline that leaves much to be desired with a narrative that could have very easily have made sense, if explained a little better.
2. Actors who obviously don’t believe in their own characters, who often appear stiff and unnatural when delivering their lines.
3. Gerard Butler, who cannot do an accent to save his life, is.. well, Gerard Butler in this movie. His “English” accent is just dismal, how hard is it to do an accent?  You’re just mimicking someone else, act, try it some time.
4. Sometimes, we just don’t need the CGI, less is more. This movie is so over stimulated that you’re often left wondering why Transformers are in this movie.
5. A cast full of young bad actors, who really should have not been more than extras. With a budget of $140m (USD), why on earth couldn’t they have spent some of that on getting better actors who could actually act?
6. The other lead, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (GoT dude), is almost convincing at times, not really, but that’s thrown out the window when you see him run. He needs to go to The Tom Cruise School of Action Hero Running.  The same school that Will Smith enrolled Jaden in.  I can’t take someone who runs like that seriously as an action hero, man or god.
7. This movie had a lot of Mad Max: Fury Road feel to it, without the coherent plotline and good acting. Two of the minor wives from Fury Road have been given larger roles in this movie, much to the detriment of this movie.  Yes, I get it, production companies often like working with the same actors, but this is one where it shouldn’t have happened.  Courtney Eaton (Zaya) was not ready for such a big role, her acting incredibly unconvincing, but she’s great eye candy.  I am probably missing the point.  Eye candy should be seen, not heard?  Is that what we’re going with?  So long as she’s beautiful and hot, who cares if she can act?  I care.  Actors and actresses should be more than just the sum of their ability to look good in a bathing suit.

Gods of Egypt spent way too of their budget on CGI, hoping that this alone will make it a blockbuster.  We’ve learnt in recent years that this is not so.  Just because a movie’s budget is over $100m does not automatically make it good.  If anything, you have to be more careful to ensure that there are good actors, a decent script, and a plotline that is enjoyable and believable in the context with which the suspension of disbelief is established.  Jupiter Rising anyone?

There is no doubt that this movie sucked, but it’s also fun at the same time.  I was expecting a bad movie with a simple plot, and yet, it was oddly complicated and semi-intricate, just really badly executed.

The actors were stiff and oddly uncomfortable, but at times, it kind of added to the charm of the movie?  It’s wrong of me to go that far, but when you leave your mind at the door, ignore human logic and just go with it, it’s an OK experience.

The director, Alex Proyas has had the odd impressive movie on his resume.  He’s best known for The Crow and Dark City, two cult classics. However, his last movie of note in the last 15 years was I, Robot, back in 2004.  With Gods of Egypt, Alex Proyas has now had two big duds in a row.  His time as a respected director is over now.

Rating: 3/10, an overly complicated simple plotline made the movie hard to follow at times, when it really shouldn’t have been.  With bad acting, CGI and a script filled with bad lines, this movie leaves much to be desired.

See it again: No way, even with leaving my mind at the door, this movie isn’t enjoyable.  Perhaps if I was a 15 year old boy, I’d like it?  That would make more sense, then, I’d be happy with the eye candy, the overly digitalised CGI and think it cool.

Worth my time: Definitely not, this movie has don’t absolutely nothing for me as a person.  I would have rather sat at home watching TV, go out for a walk.  Even doing some homework would have been preferable for me.

Take my mother: Absolutely not, I can’t be bothered elaborating.

Talking points: bad acting, hot chicks, some cool graphics, a lot of bad graphics, a very bad accent by Gerard Butler.  The ‘ship’ that Ra (Geoffrey Rush) is on is cool.

Annoyance factor: 8/10, once Butler’s accent came through, it was hard for me to take this movie seriously or flippantly enjoy it for mindless entertainment.  The over the top CGI is just that, over the top.