Argh! When will the torture end? Come on CBS…
This show is so shite that I now enjoy seeing how annoyed I get Continue reading “CIS: CYBER, STILL NOT GOOD”
Oh yeah baby! Imaginary son number 2 is going to The Superbowl! And I am one proud imaginary mother.
Yes, Peyton Manning is my imaginary son. It does not matter that he’s older than I am Continue reading “PEYTON MANNING GOES TO THE SUPERBOWL!”
So I finally got round to trying this upbeat fancy Yum Cha place. Raved on by the media, critics, and clueless sheepy friends, it’s suppose to be the supreme Yum Cha cuisine. At first look the place is bright, smick and clean, it has a much more welcoming feel than your dingy local Yum Cha restaurant.
Instead of your typical Yum Cha where they push a cart with lots of steam and fried goodies, you order from a paper table placemat with pictures. There’s a positive and a negative to this method. The positive is that you know exactly what you order. The negative is that you don’t know what these unheard of dumpling looking kind of things actually look or smell like. And I mean c’mon that’s half the fun of going to Yum Cha. I love it when they push the carts to the table and open all these bamboo lids and you get to say yay or nay. And even if you’re a regular they will open the lid on a totally regular day at Yum Cha and surprise you with something you’ve never seen before.
Tim Ho Wan charges a premium because they’re Tim Ho Wan, but it comes with the same lousy attitude and the same lousy fake almost smiles from their wait staff. The food takes forever to come out and they cram it all onto your tiny little tables. Oh and it’s $2.50 for tea per person! What kind of sick person would charge for tea at a Yum Cha restaurant? That’s the equivalent to the most hated guy in the world Mark Shkreli who increased the AIDS drug by like a 1000% percent! On top of this outrageous blasphemy they have also decided to take away the Sriracha chilli sauce. I almost walked out upon this discovery, but I had already ordered, here is where i will insert my sad face emoticon so you can all empathize with my pain 😦 Instead they have this fancy chilli salsa sauce, which is crap! You don’t use anything but Sriracha for your chilli sauce at Yum Cha! That’s rule of thumb, if you open Yum Cha you use Sriracha and free tea.
Okay so lets talk about the actual food. The pork buns are great. Perfectly deep fried, crispy thin outer bread and sweet pork filling. It was great, fantastic even, but everything else, CRAP!! The noodle wraps and filling are suppose to be so amazing it punches you in the mouth and makes you realise that what you thought was Yum Cha all these years was nothing more than reheated frozen food. But the sad truth is that the frozen Siu Mai (pork and prawn dumplings) that I buy from my local dim sum place, which I take home and throw in the steamer taste just as good as this supreme Yum Cha restaurant. While my dingy local Yum Cha restaurant may probably over charge me (since I don’t know how to read the Chinese paper slips they stamp on to tally up your orders), they have a much wider variety of goodies to choose from, they have the same lousy service, but they have Sriracha and free tea! And although I may have been over charged they still clock in cheaper than one overrated, overhyped Tim Ho Wan experience.
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy… executives must have been sitting around their boardroom, thinking about how Netflix made a really shitty movie (DareDevil) into a pretty well received TV series. And thought to themselves, as they got drunk, “Yo man, what other shitty movie based on a series of novels, can we turn into a series?” And someone came up with The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones. Continue reading “SHADOW HUNTERS – THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS (so crap)”
25% of women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime. 25%! That’s 1 in 4 women will, at one point or another, be sexually assaulted by someone. That’s a staggering high number.
And then it dawned on me, I am one of those women. A long time ago, I had been sexually assaulted, only, I hadn’t realised that I was sexually assaulted. I had my ass grabbed in a night club by some random stranger, who was walking by in a crowded area and thought it was safe to sexually assault me.
But only it wasn’t. Continue reading “I ASSAULTED MY ASSAULTER”
That face, that face, that dangerous face
I mustn’t be unwise
Those lips, that nose, those eyes
Could lead to my demise
The only thing better than an okay DJ that plays pop tunes is a sexy good girl turned bad looking DJ that plays Continue reading “Dj Soda, Cause We Love hot DJs”
So the new Nikon D5 has been released today. In case you’re wondering, the D5 is Nikon’s professional DSLR line. It’s kind of like having the biggest penis in the locker room. The price for this brand spanking new piece of tech is Continue reading “Nikon D5 The Nerd Talk Without The Nerdism”
Work.. the not so fun part of life. It’s a necessity to ones survival and directly impacts the quality of living. Without work we would all look like Spartans and will have to dig holes every time we need to do a number 2.
Not such a bad way to live if you ask me. I’m not a fan of the 8 Continue reading “How to do nothing at work”
The ominous crime boss calls an associate/minion who has slapped his only son, asking for an explanation as to why he was shown such disrespect. The answer, from the sombre associate: “He stole John Wick’s car… and he killed his dog.” At which point, the Russian crime boss understands why the slap was a just move, and why he was willing to sacrifice their relationship.
John Wick is a movie about a former hitman, whose car has been stolen and his puppy killed. Continue reading “JOHN WICK: MUST SEE”
John’s a romantic, one who believes in “the one”. And more often than not, the one is someone who lives in another state or country. It isn’t the one unless you have to jump through hoops to be together. Nothing exceptional is easy.
He was holidaying through the States when John met up with Jane. They talked and talked for hours. For John, this was all that it took. After having spoken together for so many hours, it was love, and he knew he wanted to marry her.
If this came from anyone else, I would believe them and be excited, but because it was John, and I’d heard this several times before, I notched it down to another delusional soulmate sighting.
They spend a week together, immersed in each other, getting all loved up. A holiday romance, one where you throw your heart and soul into it, and believe that it was meant to be. It was a unique relationship, no-one else could possibly understand or compare to what they had found in each other.
Unlike the people they know, who met their partners in the same geographic location, their soulmate was a chance encounter from the other side of the world. They were true soulmates, not one of convenience.
With that knowledge, John came home and packed his bags for the States. Not immediately, there was several months in between, where they would talk every day and confess their undying love for one another.
With every passing day, they are more convinced that they’re meant to be, and no more perfect a match has ever existed. Theirs is a global romance of epic proportion, Meg Ryan movies have nothing on what they have.
If John wasn’t the type to meet his soulmate every other year when he has a first date that lasts more than 4 hours, I wouldn’t be so cynical over it. But when you’re flighty at best and the connections you make are constantly ‘The One’, scepticism ensues.
For John, and people like him, the romance of long distance for some people is better than the actual relationship itself. With the other person being continents away, you’re able to envisage the perfect partner. They will be everything you’ve ever wanted. No, they’re not messy, high maintenance, stupid, have morning breath, bad tipper, racist, homophobic, not nice. Jane was perfect, and they were a perfect match.
John spoke about marriage, and how he would have been content to be married to Jane right then, he couldn’t imagine his life without her. She was everything he had dreamt in his wife.
We didn’t know if we were happy or not for John. I figured it was something that he had to do, but he would be back as the reality of their relationship start to sink in once they started living together daily.
When he moved over to the States, it became apparently that they were two very different people, and they actually had very little in common. Over the next few months, they realised that they didn’t even really care for each other. But they had confessed undying love for one another and he had moved countries to be with her, so, they had to try and make it work.
Jane’s quirks and the way she dealt with life was not how John would have conducted himself. He were inherently different people, and their physical attraction fading and not being so important anymore.
Thankfully, his holiday visa ran out and that was an excuse for him to return home, and gave them an out. They held on for a couple of months after he returned home, not willing to admit to themselves and all their friends and family, that their love was just a holiday lust romance. Slowly, they let the relationship die a natural death.
John was able to admit that they did not have a workable relationship, with each having different values on a relationship, and their language of love being different. The romance of the perfect relationship is far from actually being perfect in reality.
Sometimes, the dream is better than the reality. Just because you’re able to talk to someone for hours at a time and find them interesting, doesn’t mean that you’re able to build a life together.
John and Jane initially had their “Summer Rain” romance, one where they project their desires for everlasting true love onto the other person. In the old days, it would have been the relationship that would forever live in their hearts as the perfect one. The soulmate, but circumstances lead them to be apart, and they will always look back on it fondly.
Letters would have been exchanged, the frequency diminishing over time, and the relationship wold fizzle out into fond memories and yearnings on those lonely nights. And will become a ‘what if’ scenario.
But with technology and passage across the world being what it is today for us, they were able to live out their fantasies and were able to realise that they’re actually ill-suited to each other.
Jane had a crush on John for quite a while, they had been hanging out in the same group for a year now. Yet, John had not once made a move on her.
Then on New Years’ Eve, as others were making out, John turned to Jane and asked her if she wanted to kiss him. And with that, their relationship started.
For Jane, this was her soulmate finally realising that they were meant to be together. For John, it was easy sex, and he was tired of having to work for it.
Jane proceeded to tell everyone that they were now a couple. At the time, it was also news to John, but he wasn’t going to fight it. It was no skin off his nose. His main objective as a young adult was being met, and that’s all that he cared for.
As a couple, John made Jane more tolerable to be around, whilst Jane made John less repulsive as his hornbaggary (it’s a word now) made him less sleazy to be around.
It wasn’t until they had been together for over six months when someone actually asked the question, “John, do you actually like Jane?”
His response was surprising and yet, not surprising. “No, I think she’s a bitch.” He stated matter of factly.
And yet, they were together. He liked the sex, it was that simple for him, he was neither here nor there really with her as his girlfriend, so long as he was having sex, he was fine.
Jane on the other hand, was convinced that they were the perfect couple. The one couple who was meant to be, and she wasn’t afraid to tell the rest of us how perfect her relationship with John was.
We didn’t know what to do or say. Looking back on it now, John was a massive asshole, and Jane, well, she was a snob.
They eventually got married, John had reached the age where his family were pressuring him to start his own family. As there were no other prospects, he figured he might as well. Close enough was good enough, and maybe, in his own way, he loved her.
For Jane, it was perfect. She was the first of her friends to get married and this had so much significance in itself. She was sure that:
- They were more secure in their relationship than anyone else;
- She and John were madly in love with one another;
- She was prettier than all her friends;
- She was a real lady because she was getting married and not living in sin;
- She was smarter than everyone else, because she got that ring;
- She won the game of life.
Yes, it was evident that Jane was sure of herself and her life with John.
As for the rest of us, the men wondered why John subjected himself to Jane. The women wondered how long before John strayed.
Ranter & Banter 