I ASSAULTED MY ASSAULTER

25% of women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime.  25%!  That’s 1 in 4 women will, at one point or another, be sexually assaulted by someone.  That’s a staggering high number.

And then it dawned on me, I am one of those women.  A long time ago, I had been sexually assaulted, only, I hadn’t realised that I was sexually assaulted.  I had my ass grabbed in a night club by some random stranger, who was walking by in a crowded area and thought it was safe to sexually assault me.

But only it wasn’t.

As soon as I felt my ass being grabbed, I turned around looking for the assailant.  He had turned away from me, his hand mere inches away from my ass as he tried to get away.  I went after him.  I was furious at the disrespect and assault which I had just been afforded.  How dare he touch me!  So, with all my might, I lifted both hands, and I pushed him in the back as hard as I could, causing him to stumble forward as I marched upon him with fury oozing out of my very being.

I started swearing and yelling at him.  “Who the f**k do you think you are!  How dare you touch me, you f**king excuse of a human being!”  I spewed, as he tried to get away from me, I continued to yell even further and louder, and I can be loud.  I was fearless in my moment of anger.

The coward refused to answer me or look me in the eye, he was trying to get away from me, it was obviously the first time he had been called out for his disgusting behaviour.  I don’t know how long I yelled for.  I think my friends tried to come to my aid, but I dismissed them as I continued to yell at him.  His friends came over and tried to defend him, even suggesting that how could he refuse grabbing my ass when I’ve got such a “nice grab’able ass”.  That inflamed me even further.  I yelled at them for that remark, which lead them to quickly apologise and tried to master him away.  I wasn’t done, I continued to yell out names at them as they scurried away from me.

In that moment, I had taken my power back.  I was, and am, nobody’s victim.  I went after my own justice.  It wasn’t the smartest thing to do, and looking back on it, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.  But at that moment, I did what I thought I had to do.  I put the scumbag back into his position, making sure he knew that he was nothing more than an opportunistic coward who deserved to be dumped on by an angry woman.  He was an assaulter who needed to taught a lesson, and he needed to be stopped before he went around grabbing and sexually assaulting any other women who are just trying to have a good time.

And no, I was not parading my ass around in a short skirt, not that it matters.  Women are allowed to wear whatever they want and for it to not be an invitation for you to grope us.  At most, it’s an invitation for you to look and appreciate our appearance, as we do you.  Don’t gawk and definitely not leer, it’s super creepy.  And most importantly, women often dress to impress other women, not men.

Sexual assault is a term that we associate with rape, but it’s a term which accounts for so much more than that.  I am very fortunate that my situation did not escalate to anything more.  I had confidence in my friends and my ability to out-talk any idiot who was stupid enough to assault me.

It is not OK for a man to grab and grope a woman without her consent.  It is as plain and simple as that.  If the shoe were on the other foot, would a man like to be grope and grabbed by an unwanted man/woman?  I think not.

If this was to happen to me today, I would still go after him, I’ve got some combat training now.  And I would call the police on him.  Even a minor assault charge is an assault charge on his record.  I wouldn’t have let him and his friends walk away.

It saddens and infuriates me to know that 1 in 4 of us will be assaulted in our lifetime, and for most of us, we will not be able to regain our power back directly after the event.  We live in fear of it happening to us again, we avoid certain situations so that we do not put ourselves in harm’s way.

I am very lucky that I was able to get my sense of power and safety back, straight after I was assaulted.  And in the grand scheme of things, my prolonged ass grab was nothing compared to what other women will go through, but it was enough to make me a victim.  For a few seconds, I was a victim.  Then, I turned the tables on him and made him the victim of his actions, and I, his prosecutor, judge and jury.  It was empowering.  A feeling I wish other women were/are able to obtain.

Sadly, we live in a society which has not quite yet educated people on an appropriate standard of behaviour that is accepted.  We make excuses, “boys will be boys”, it’s “just a little fun”.  It’s not fun when both parties are not consenting.  The old attitude of “boys will be boys” is only there now because we’ve let them think that their behaviour is OK.  That they are above reproach, and that somehow, they are entitled to these sorts of behaviour because the world is their oyster.  You would not be saying that when the victim is your daughter.  You won’t be brushing off the male’s behaviour.  So, don’t brush it off when it is your son/friend.  And the same goes true for women.  We too can be offenders.

There is no race, creed or sex for a predator.  They come in all shapes and sizes.  Small crimes often escalate into bigger crimes.  We should teach our children and ourselves to respect others.  I cannot seem to voice this enough, treat others and you want to be treated.