A young mother crouches down to her daughter, she fixes the cherubic little girls ponytail, gives her a tender kiss on the cheek and a hug. Then she says to the little girl, ever so lovingly, “You’re so beautiful.” And gently pats the little girl on the bat, encouraging her to play in the playground with the other toddlers.
A loving scene, a familiar scene. A wonderful moment, making the child feel loved and building up her confidence in a safe environment.
The young mother is eager to share her happiness with the world, posting photos of “My beautiful little princess”, captioning just so. “The most beautiful little girl in the world.” Being a common theme amongst the posts.
Her friends are expected to agree that this child is better looking than any other child in the world, is more accomplished because, well, just because. And if anyone disagrees, well, they simply have no taste and aren’t worthy of being in the presence of such an amazingly beautiful child.
We are a society which suffers from Precious First Born syndrome, and it is worse when it’s a girl. We criticise the media for not portraying “real women” and emphasising how a woman’s worth is in her looks. And yet, we are more than eager to do the same to our own children from the moment that they’re born. We are the ultimate perpetrators of inflicting low self-esteem to the next generation.
Parents all over the world constantly instil into their young impressionable daughters and sons, how great they are because they either “look so pretty” or “are incredibly handsome”. Parents and their friends will more often than not, praise a child on their looks first.
We’re taught from a young age that our appearance is valued by those whose opinion matters the most. It becomes an inherently important factor for self-esteem.
Then reality strikes in the form of the outside world. As we grow older, we become more aware of our surroundings and ourselves. With this, a pecking order is quickly established when it comes to looks. We’re judged and ranked against our friends and peers. And for those who have always thought themselves as “beautiful” to now be nothing but very average, this is a crude slap in the face. One which is hard to face. Whether you know it or not, a large part of the child’s identity is that they’re beautiful, and some will even believe that they’re the most beautiful person in the world.
To realise that you’re looks aren’t perfect, and to realise that you’re not good looking at all, this is a truth that is hard to bear. It wouldn’t be so bad if your self-worth was made up of more than looks.
Most of us have a composition of factors which contribute to our self-worth. For some, it comes down to brains, sense of humour, looks, style, sass, attitude, nice, and the list just goes on. But, when looks is a major factor, you are destined for a life of disappointment.
I fear for the next generation, as their mothers and fathers post photos of them online for the world to see, publically for anyone to find. When the day comes when they’re 14, and the mean girls find that “My beautiful little princess” photo and it’s of a not so attractive girl, what then?
There is no denying that children are mean, but teenagers are sociopaths. The child who is well equipped to deal with the torture and trauma that is adolescence is going to be the one who does not put their majority of their self-worth in the way they look. Especially when you’re no supermodel. And for those who are genetically blessed enough to be supermodels in the making, life doesn’t work out so well for you when you hit the wrong the side of thirty.
It isn’t just the media that we need to change when it comes to body issues and self-esteem. It is ourselves and what we teach our children. “You look nice.” When you’re referring to the outfit the child has put together is a complement on his/her ability to be creative with an ensemble. “Aren’t you just the most beautiful little girl in the world!” isn’t anything but a disappointment or a mean girl in the making.
There is nothing wrong with telling a child that they look good, they should take pride in the way they look, but they should not be told constantly how wonderful they look. The measure of how great a person is is not what they look like, it’s who they are on the inside that counts. Being genetically blessed should just be icing on the cake, not the foundation for the cake.
What do you think? Looks matter, but is it time that it stop meaning so much?
Ranter & Banter 