We would like to think of ourselves as confident outgoing people. However, there are times when we stop ourselves from doing certain things. This simply put is fear. Everybody has fear, from small niggling notions to crippling beliefs and it will often render a person powerless. Sound familiar?! This is usually created by a certain event that sparks a fear element and anything in future that is similar will trigger the same feeling. Or it is from seeing repercussions that happen to one person and fearing it may happen to you, despite you having a different outcome, whether emotional or physical. In more intense cases, fear can be created from emotional or physical violence. Sadly this is hard to overcome, and it can often take people years to do. Speaking to a therapist allows people the ability to open up and discover how to move through such a difficult emotional task.
Throughout my adult years, I have seen fear in my own life. It varies, but one thing is a constant – my life is being hindered! There has been times where it is merely a back of my mind notion, that whilst is there, doesn’t impact me too much and I end up doing the task anyway, to more invasive fears that ultimately are debilitating, and often draining.
One of my biggest (and constant) fears to which something my friends can attest to, is my fear when it comes to locks. The fear that I have left a door open or unlocked is crippling. It is mostly with doors I feel responsible for, so house and work mainly. This came from a break in at one of the houses I lived in a few years ago. Whilst I did not leave anything unlocked and no one was responsible, afterwards it just made me view things differently and a fear grew inside me. This unfortunately quickly morphed into something dire. I know that I am not alone when it comes to this particular fear. Sadly.
If you ask anyone, more often that not, they have larger fears that they know are harder to tackle too more transient fears that are situational or easily overcome. These transient fears can last months, days or thankfully only hours. This of course depends on the fear, the person and the situation.
Something that is transient for me at the moment is fear of failure. I am undertaking a program that will see my up in front of many people. I have always had a slight fear of public speaking/performance, but always tried to think differently. Now with this upcoming program, the fear is raising its beastly little head and tenting its fingers. For the moment, it is winning. This sadly is stopping me from being the best I can be and for what? Is it the fear of judgment, or the fear of making a mistake, or is it both? What was initially a small fear has escalated into something much more counter-productive.
So how do you stop it? They often say that confronting your fears is the best way to overcome them. This may work for some, but often taking smaller steps may be more conducive. Look at the fear itself and try to establish why? Is there a certain trigger? Each person will know they need to confront their fear(s), but will choose to turn a blind eye and hope that the problem will fix itself, and most will justify until the cows come home about why they cant fix things right now, but the real key lies within. Trust me I am one of these people. Much to my partner’s concern.
What you need to do, as I do is look at the fears not as negatives, but as hurdles. These hurdles are put before us to test how far we can reach before falling. If you do fall, get back up, dust yourself and jump again. Soon you will reach the end, and will look back and realise the hurdles were smaller than you think.
There is a Japanese proverb that resonates within me – Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.
Ranter & Banter 