Busy bodies and nosy parkers everywhere have long known that the greatest achievement in meddling in other people’s affairs is match making. This is where you, the overzealous one, is able to essentially quality control the “plus ones” in your life. Most of us just want to see our friends happy together, but don’t actually put much thought into it other than them both being single at the same time.
Over the weekend, I was talking to some friends about my match making nosy parker ways, and verbalised my process. Over time, I’ve developed my own formula for match making, kind of. Based on quite a few factors in fact, I assess:
- How attractive each person is, and what they’re attracted to.
- Intelligence, IQ and EQ.
- Political views and their opinion of someone who has a differing view point.
- Adventurous spirit and how well travelled they are.
- What they want in a relationship.
- How funny they are and what they find funny.
- The types of movies and TV shows they like.
- What their language of love is.
- Personality summary, including stubbornness, dominance, temperament.
- Religion.
I assess my dating candidates, either by taking them out on investigative dates myself or I’ve already gotten to know them over a period of time. Taking all these differing factors, I make a judgement call on the potential couple’s suitability based on these factors. Often, I don’t even have a counterpart in mind as I venture into my assessment mode. I file the potential away, and just go about my life.
As a part time busy body and constant human behaviour assessor with no formal training, I only have my own instincts to guide me. Well, that, and numerous years of watching Criminal Minds. I do let my victims, I mean, potentials, know that I am willing to perform these services for them, but it is at their own risk. I will vet out the crazies as much as I can.
In truth, with all the various elements and assessments that I make, there is no accounting for chemistry. Just because people are suited on paper, it does not mean that they’re suited in real life. And just because two people are single at the same time and looking for love, it does not meant that I will try to set them up.
For the most part, I put forth to my potential candidates a set up proposal. But not always. Some people are open to the idea of being set up, but not actually being set up. They are awkward about it, feel as though this would make them somehow socially retarded.
For these people, I find it best to not tell them specifically when they’re being set up. Or I play the “the other person doesn’t know” card. I fan the fire a little here and there, I may even supervise their first date, to facilitate, seeing for myself if there is any potential development. I sound like a smother in the making. Please believe me when I say that I’m not, pretty pretty please. I typically set up people who have either asked me for my services, or people who are asking for way too much of my time and I think that they need to find their own life partner.
I also reject candidates, there are people out there whom I just cannot quite figure out. For those, I just tell them straight out that I will keep an eye out, but I don’t quite know anyone who would fit in with that they’re after, and to not count on me to come through. Or sometimes, it’s just a resounding “No.”
I have in the past, quietly sussed out a match candidate for over 4 months, quietly asking random questions here and there. I was patient and waited for him to become single and ready to mingle.
At the moment, I have a few in my portfolio of: Want to be set up. Together, we have concluded that they’re not quite ready for a match right now. We have all agreed to keep an open mind and when it happens, it happens. They want me to keep my eye out and if someone comes along, great! But if no-one does, then that’s fine too. Desperation isn’t going to help anyone, least of all me. Relationships are a tricky matter of the heart.
All that’s said and done, there is no real formula for love or finding a partner. All I’ve done is developed an elimination process, not a process of predicting the perfect match. It is by sheer luck that the people I’ve brought together have gone on to have relationships.
Ranter & Banter 